Adaptive Transmission?

For a short while, after five updates made their way over the Wifi to my car, I hoped that Subaru was sending me something to fix the fake shiftiness.

Of the five updates, the first one was called RH850. Did not say what it did. Google found:

https://www.renesas.com/us/en/products/microcontrollers-microprocessors/rh850.html

Microcontroller updates. Humm...?

The Subaru forum dashed my hopes: (update 40: takes a Subaru trained person and a tool called the 'SSM4' to fix the fake shifting (if Subaru is even going to bother)

https://www.ascentforums.com/threads/updates.8519/page-2

Nuts

I have noticed that the Ascent seems to have slightly adapted to my driving style, and as long as I keep my foot out and carefully modulate fuel exactly when it is about to fake a shift, I can make it fairly smooth.

Stomp it (say, in five o'clock traffic trying to get into a small hole in the traffic flow) and it will jerk your eyeballs out of your head. Three times that time.

It's like it adapted to my normal driving style and can't deal with the need for speed.

Infinitely variable transmission. Slamming fake shifts.